The Story Behind the Sleeping arrangements:
Now, I certainly don't expect a baby to sleep through the night. But...my baby still wants to nurse every 2 hours. And, when I first put him to sleep, he wants to nurse every 20-30 minutes for the first few hours! Our solution to Edgar's colic and nursing needs in the early days was to take him to bed with us. Once I learned how to nurse lying down, it was almost as good as sleeping through the night! (For those of you with worries about crushing baby, studies show that parents do NOT roll over on their baby unless they are drunk or taking medication that makes them sleepy).
Current Events:
Part of me LOVES sleeping with my baby. I love the closeness. I love waking up with him staring lovingly into my eyes and patting my face. I love snuggling with him. I LOVE not having to get up out of bed to nurse him at night! But...as you can see in the above photo, my baby is a bit of a bed hog. There just isn't room for all three of us to sleep well. I sleep pretty well, but Alex doesn't sleep so well with an Ed in the Bed. My very loving patient husband has spent many nights on the couch or air mattress when Edgar decides to jump and kick in his sleep.
Also, we are paying for a gym membership that neither of us is using, because we are SO exhausted every morning. We need to do something differently.
The Plan:
Phase 1. Last night we moved our bed into Edgar's room, next to his crib. We are all still sleeping in the same bed as usual...but now we are conditioning him to sleeping in his room. I expect this will last about a week.
Phase 2. Alex and I will continue to sleep in the bed in Edgar's room, and I will continue to nurse Edgar to sleep lying down...but when he is asleep I will move him to his crib. I have no idea how long it will take before Phase 2 is successful.
Phase 3. We will move the bed back to our room. I will nurse Edgar in the rocking chair and put him to sleep in his crib. I may sleep on the air mattress in his room for a while while he adjusts to our bed being gone (and not hearing our sleeping sounds).
Phase 4. We get our bed back. Edgar sleeps happily in his crib. He doesn't nurse every couple of hours, and we all get better sleep.
Hmm. It definitely sounds too good to be true. Still, this is the best plan we could come up with in light of my refusal to let my baby lay in his room alone screaming his little heart out.
Unfortunately, the literature and classes that support co-sleeping, sharing sleep, the family bed, or whatever you want to call it--these sources suggest that your child will let you know when they are ready for their own bed--when they are 4, 5, 6, 7, 8...or older. That doesn't work for us.
And, the literature that has tips for getting baby to sleep on their own are usually vehemently against co-sleeping.
Is there anyone out there that lives somewhere between these two camps? Has anyone else gone through something similar? Any tips for helping baby leave the soft familiar family bed?
DISCLAIMER: I am posting about this, against my better judgement. My better judgement is reminding me that (1) people have VERY strong opinions about how/when/where babies should sleep and that (2) by inviting advice I will most likely just receive criticism.
But, I really would appreciate advice that jives with our do-whatever-works-for-you mentality about raising Edgar! You are, of course, welcomed to criticize me. Just know that I will likely ignore any advice that I don't like! (=
9 comments:
You know, all the training classes I have to go to for the daycare are always against the co-sleeping thing, saying how dangerous it is,etc.
However, apparently I refused to sleep in a crib when I was a baby, and I am alive somehow. As is my niece, various other children I have cared for, and I'm sure many children around the world. :)
Anyway, I don't have any advice much but I wonder if when Edgie starts eating more solid food in the next few months if his need to nurse as much will be as frequent? Then maybe he will get on a longer sleep schedule ( I hope for your sake!)
My advice is to pray for support and help. Its not much advice however when ever I get that advice my nerves calm, and then whatever Dave and I plan usually works. I hope you will be able to work out your plan and that things work for you. Sorry I dont have better advice.
Bailee still sleeps in our bed for parts of the night, or we in hers. When she was a baby, she was in our bed for most the night. She did seem to start growing out of it when she stopped eating through the night so much. Your plan seems like a good starting point and shows that you obviously are trying to do what is best for you and Ed. I say try that out and change things up if you see fit. good luck!
You probably have heard of the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child." I think it is a really good resource. Dr. Weissbluth is fairly moderate when it comes to crib v. family bed. He is mostly concerned with sleep timing and consistency. (and a well rested family)
For one thing I totally love the nursing in bed thing. I always do it with my infants. (and smirk when people ask if I am getting any sleep-because of course I am, but don't want to argue the point. Besides, any sympathy you get at the beginnig is nice.)
Anyhow, my take on the whole thing is that at a certain point, the baby and the family get better sleep apart- just like you mentioned. Your plan sounds well thought out, esp. if you aren't willing to let him cry it out. One thing to consider is that Edgar may be losing needed sleep to feed and it really may be a good thing to minimize night feedings.
But all in all, just as Canadice said, somehow we are somehow still alive. Edgar is lucky to have such loving parents!
Wow, you are walking on dangerous ground. :) There are a lot of people who have strong feelings one way or the other. My feelings land somewhere in the middle. With my first baby, I followed the schedule in the book "Baby Wise" which basically trains your baby to sleep through the night. It worked but it also involved a strict schedule, no rocking or nursing to sleep, and letting them cry it out for a couple of days. But, in the long run we did get our sleep....until the teething started and then you have to go back to square one.
With the next baby, I was determined to not follow the same strict schedule. If I wanted to rock my baby to sleep I was going to. I was also student teaching and running after a 20 month old baby....so I was completely sleep deprived. Sometimes (most of the time) desperate times calls for desperate measures. Cloey slept in our bed for a long time. I didn't care what other people said, I wanted to sleep and that is how she slept best. But, still to this day (she is now 4), we are still telling her to go back to her bed in the middle of the night when she tries to sneak in.
With baby #3, I would've done anything to nurse her, or rock her to sleep. So with that perspective, it helps me to remember that time is short and a baby or child sleeping in my bed is really a blessing and will be outgrown before you know it.
With baby #4, I will rock her whenever I want, nurse her whenever she wants to eat, and even let her sleep in our bed for the first little while.
Every child is different and Edgar was sent to you and Alex for a reason. You guys will raise him better than anybody else could. I would follow the Spirit and do what is best for your family.
Hey Jen-we had (and sometimes still have) both our boys sleep with us. I agree with you that I love sleeping with my baby (that is actually what my last blog post was about) but that they do become bed hogs! What we are doing with Gabriel currently is teaching him to sleep in his toddler bed. It is just at the ƒøot oƒ our bed, so he can still hear us and be close, but gets his own space. I know that won't work with Ed yet, since he still needs a crib, but I think your plan sounds good. Also, iƒ it doesn't seem to be working, you might be able to get one oƒ those co-sleep bassinets. They hook onto your bed but kind oƒ keep the baby penned in their own area. Good luck! I hope you come up with something that lets everyone get a good nights sleep. P.s. We also ended up getting a caliƒornia king bed, so there is more space when everyone does end up with us!
Alex says "Rofl, it's Axel's Edge!" Good luck with not letting him scream his little lungs out. My advice is to just let him do that but I'm of the let him learn his own lesson camp.
Thanks for all of the supportive comments! I appreciate the reminder that love and prayer is more important than following any one school of thought.
Also, thanks Mel for putting things in perspective. It is such a short and sweet time when they are this little. Sleeping is important...but so is enjoying babyhood while it is here (=
Phase 1 is going well (that's the easy part). We will just plod along (prayerfully) with the plan and see how it works!
Sorry it's taken me so long to comment! I hope you see this...
I personally have not had much experience with this issue. One of the very few advantages of having your babies in the NICU for 3 months is that they come home trained on a schedule and have no problem sleeping alone. But... I have had many friends who have struggled with this issue.
After hearing their experiences over the years, I will tell you that if you do not want you baby/child in your bed for years to come, the earlier you wean him the better. The older he gets, the harder it will be.
It sounds like you have a good plan in place. Just follow your instincts. (And keep praying!)
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