Tuesday, February 1, 2011

They're playing our song

I am thankful for God's tender mercies. It's been a tough couple of days. Nursing is proving to be more and more painful every day--and today I was lost in self pity after getting some bad news from the midwife. Basically, there is no problem that can be fixed. No infections, no latch problems, etc.--it is just going to be painful for me to feed my child the way I want to feed her.

So, I was feeling particularly sad and frustrated today. I was remembering my first few weeks with Edgar...the pain...and the questioning the reasons for having children...I love love love my children and am thankful for them. It's just, so many days of pain and sleep deprivation can really wear a person down.

Then, on the drive home tonight, I heard my sweet son singing the lullaby that I wrote for him. I haven't sung it to him for a while, and I didn't even realize he knew it. But, hearing his sweet little voice sing it made me cry--for the 10th or 12th time today--but in a good way. I was filled with peace and love. I made it through the pain with him--and we have a great relationship today.

I'll make it through the pain with Sabrina too. It will make me a stronger woman and mother. The refiners fire and all of that.

Edgar's Song:

Oh Edgar, we can fly
Together like birds on the wind so high
Like a man, rocketing to mars
or fast like dogs going 'round in cars
Oh Edgar, we can fly

We can ride bicycles to the park
Or sing lullabies in the dark
Oh Edgar, we can fly.