Crazy

I tutored a crazy lady once. Perhaps I should have never said yes. I knew she was crazy from the moment we first spoke. With her conspiracy theories, mysterious (but undetectable) injuries, and many dangerous enemies--it was clear that she was completely nuts.

But, I have a soft heart, and she did so desperately want to pass her math class and gain back the independence that she lost after her bankrupting divorce. So I tutored the crazy lady. At her house. During the summer.

She made a little progress...but that progress would all but disappear by the next session. Her short-term memory had short-circuited...but her long-term paranoia was ever-present. Eventually she asked me to be an advocate for her with her math instructor. We all sat down together and discussed what she needed to do to succeed.

As the final exam approached, I really felt she had a chance to pass. Certainly not succeed--she was too messed up for that--but I really thought she could pass. Her teacher had told us that if she turned in all of her homework and took all the tests, he wouldn't give her an F. But...even that was too much for her. She didn't turn in every assignment. She didn't turn up for the exam.

And then--AND THEN--she calls and begs me to go talk to her teacher. He gave me an F! He said he wouldn't fail me! Did you turn in all of the assignments? Well, I couldn't because of the woman that was trying to get me fired due to some unresolved circumstances in which I was affiliated. Did you take the final exam? Due to my injuries that the woman gave me when she tried to get me fired of which I am talking to my attorney...No? No.

Then...I'm sorry. You didn't do the things you said you would do. I cannot talk to your teacher for you. I think the grade he gave you was fair.

And that was the last I ever heard from crazy lady. One, maybe two years ago. Until today.
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Crazy lady called me at 7:30 am on a Saturday morning. Really people? That is not phone call time. That is sleeping time. She had a very cheerful voice, and I recognized the name, but couldn't place where I knew her. Until she began speaking. I knew she was crazy from the moment we spoke.

Back when we were affiliated together, when you were working with me, the lines were well wired and I am acutely aware that you made a call to the lab. What lab? What do you mean? Now, I know that you know what I'm talking about so let me finish. I am affiliated with a group of woman and I made a call to the organization in Portland through which I have contacted an attorney because I know that you were involved with the wiretapping and that all things were well documented. It has become clear that because of that with which you are affiliated--and due to the surrounding circumstances through which all things are accomplished and thus far connected from various organizations and the--I'm sorry, but I have absolutely no idea what you are saying. Of course you will say that because it's so easy to play naive, but let me finish. I know that the organization with which I am affiliated has long past known about your affiliation with various groups and things with which you knew about and organized the various phone calls with which I am aware. I'm very sorry dear--and many past witnesses can attest that you were there to--I really don't know what you are talking about--because of the perceived circumstances--I have to go. Good-bye--and the involved persons--CLICK.

Perhaps I should have never said yes. It was clear that she was completely nuts.